Are You in the Driver’s Seat?
It was early in the morning - the sun was still too low to feel any heat in our small tent. As soon as I woke up I sensed something was wrong. My partner - normally the first to get up and start melting snow on our stove - was still in his bag. Not moving.
We were on our way to the summit of Mt. Denali at 6,190m (20,310ft) and had decided to split the last pitch with a camp at 5,200m (17,000ft.) It was a mistake. The rock strewn ledge was extremely exposed and the overnight temperatures had dropped to minus 30C.
“I think my feet are frozen.” my partner said as he wedged his elbows under him to sit up. Every climber knows that once your hands or feet start to feel cold you need to immediately take action to restore circulation. Your body is working against you to shunt blood away from your extremities and to your core. When your feet or hands feel frozen time is running out.
The first response is always movement and protection. Move your toes, shake your hands, swing your arms and get to a warm place. Pretty soon your body sends an alert and blood-soldiers come running to where they are needed.
Life is like that. If you want to get more of what you need (like warmth) you need to move.
Driver or passenger?
Retired NHL player, Jordin Tootoo shared with me how important moving is for surviving in the North. “If you’re sitting on a sled being pulled across the Tundra,” he said, “you get cold quickly.” The passenger might be enjoying the scenery but they’re not moving enough to fight off the cold. “The person on the machine, driving,” he explained, “they’re moving. They’re warm.”
When you’re the driver you’re constantly making decisions getting closer to what you want. Do I send the email? Make the phone call? Or reach out and ask for help?
If you want to lose weight the first solution might not work. Maybe you don’t like a paleo diet, intermittent fasting, or cutting out pasta. But you drink less beer instead. Great! Just because some Youtube influencer swears by a solution doesn’t mean it will work for you.
What’s important is that you are the driver, moving forward.
When you are the passenger, you expect life will naturally, eventually, hopefully get you somewhere close to what you want. Maybe.
We are all works in progress that “mistakenly think they’re finished.” wrote Daniel Gilbert in Stumbling on Happiness. “The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting, and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been.”
You can wake up tomorrow and decide to be vegan, ride your bicycle to work, or learn to paint. It won’t work perfectly, it might even be difficult - you might crack an egg, park the bike and let the paint tubes dry up. That’s okay. “If you wish to improve,” Epictetus wrote, “be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters.”
It doesn’t matter so much what happens, but you’ll never know what could happen if you stay in the backseat watching the scenery float by.
Making it up
The faulty framework of school is that a certain pile of information informs certain decisions that lead you down a path for a certain job and a great life. Children optional.
Life isn’t like that.
I know people who have those certain jobs but are addicted to porn, get blasted on cheap wine every weekend, and haven’t had a shred of exercise in years. They’re highly skilled at their job but lacking basic skills for making life changing decisions.
They need to move up to the driver’s seat.
“You might not nail it perfectly at first but every swing at bat gets you closer.”
You might not nail it perfectly at first but every swing at bat gets you closer. After all, you’re making it up.
A friend who facilitates team development sessions complained how exhausted she was at the end of every day. She had tried meditation, exercise - even changing her diet. We talked about taking a few minutes in the morning to set an intention—something to guide her energy through the day. “That small microstep has led to some profound insights already.” she wrote back a few weeks later. “Now what I need is a strong end of day or end of session rituals to close the loop.”
One reader wanted to enjoy more order in her life, but was overwhelmed with choices. “My desk is always a mess, but it’s another project I don’t have energy for.” I encouraged her to unpack ‘finding more order in her life’ into a weekly 10-minute mini clean up of her desk that she checks off on her calendar when done. “I never thought of keeping track of wins and thinking about what wins I would like in a day.” She wrote back, “It makes me feel more positive.”
One reader was frustrated trying to find a gym close to her home that also had a coach who was available and who she wanted to work with. None of her online or phone enquiries were helping. In desperation she decided to walk to every gym in her neighborhood, one-at-a-time, and check them out. At the fourth gym she found her match. “When I walked out I just started to giggle remembering you telling stories of the zigs/zags that led to the various things you’re up to. Pretty funny.”
You are already there
There’s the story of the man who comes to a river crossing and stops, looking for a way across. When he looks up he sees a woman on the other side. Waving his arms, he calls out, “How do I get to the other side?” After a pause she calls back, “You are on the other side.”
Looking back at anything I’ve created or accomplished I’m always surprised at how impossible or huge, or terrifying it seemed before I started. And how afterwards it seems so obvious that it was the right thing to do.
It might not be obvious that you are already “on the other side” but you are.
You just need to choose to be the driver and keep moving forward.
Enjoyed this nudge? Here are 3 more posts all about goal setting and creating small wins:
Small Wins - Why Little Steps are the Path to Big Rewards
Keynotes and workshops by Hugh Culver
