HUGH CULVER

So, you want to be a speaker…

Public Speaking: Have you got what it takes?

Updated to Speaking on May 3, 2023.

I was in a car the other day with a radiologist and a neurosurgeon talking about hypertension. 

This conversation is actually not as unusual as it might sound. I volunteer for a local society that does trail clearing in a popular hiking and mountain bike park and many of the volunteers happen to be recently retired doctors. 

Back in the car, one of the doctors happened to mention that recently his medical partner, who is in his early 60’s, had a mild stroke. As we wound our way further up the dirt road to our work site my education continued. 

I learned that strokes are the second biggest cause of mortality worldwide and the third most common cause of disability. The scary statistics get worse. As you age your chance of a stroke doubles every 10 years after 55. 

There’s a checklist of health conditions that make you more susceptible to a stroke, like obesity, high cholesterol, and diabetes. But the biggest culprit – six times out of ten – is hypertension or high blood pressure. In my books, that’s worth paying attention to.

What’s interesting is that stress, in itself, is not the direct cause of high blood pressure. It’s what we do when under stress that leads to nasty results. We eat too much, drink too much, and move too little. Basically, we deal with stress by making unhealthy choices.

For me, stress starts with worry.

Ngoc Son Temple, Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi, Vietnam

I’ve had a lot of worries

There is a world of problems you can worry about – take your pick. You can worry that Ukraine will be pummeled into a tiny province of rubble, or that we’ve passed the tipping point with global warming, or the tiny spot on your chin is cancer. 

Or not.

“I’ve had a lot of worries,” quipped Mark Twain “most of which never happened.” Our mind loves a good worry. Like a dog chewing a bone, we want to turn our worry around, looking from all angles, poking and prodding until it swells up into something bigger than it really is.

I used to worry incessantly before every keynote speech. I’d worry I’d miss my flight or wasn’t prepared enough, or I would be greeted by the “audience from hell.” Trust me, when you have 60 minutes to educate, entertain, inspire, motivate, and get laughs from an audience you’ve never met before, any sane person would invent a long list of worries.

It was at one of those events when a fellow speaker opened an exit door for my worries. He suggested that audiences don’t want you to fail – in fact, they want you to succeed. “They want to see you having fun—enjoying yourself. That way,” he explained, “they can enjoy the ride with you.”

When I accepted the long list of what I could never control – my flights, the audience, the speaker before me going overtime – I was free to focus on what I could control.

Enjoying the moment. 

What your life will have been

In her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön tells the story of delighting in the preciousness of every single moment.

A woman is running from lions. She runs and she runs, and the lions are getting closer. She comes to the edge of a cliff. She sees a vine there, so she climbs down and holds onto it. Then she looks down and sees that there are lions below her as well. At the same time, she notices a little mouse gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries emerging from a nearby clump of grass. She looks up, she looks down, and she looks a the mouse. Then she picks a strawberry, pops it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly.

Learning what to focus on, and what to ignore, seems to be the ultimate secret to living a healthy, stress-free life. “Whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment,” writes Oliver Burkeman in Four Thousand Weeks (a must-read for anyone over 50), “is simply what your life will have been.”

So, what are you focussing on?

What to focus on

You can learn a lot when you’re the dumbest one in a car full of doctors. I learned that strokes are a silent pandemic. And that hypertension is the leading cause of that pandemic. And I learned the leading cause of hypertension is stress. 

I was also reminded that stress is a choice.

We all have lions and tigers in our life. Maybe even a mouse or two gnawing away at something we value. Meanwhile, we have the moment.

Choosing what to focus on (and what not to) might just be the healthiest choice you can make.

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Photo of eggs by Nik on Unsplash
Photo of Ngoc Son Temple by author
Photo of tigers by author

There’s an old story of a man walking down a country road. He comes across a farmer, who’s repairing a fence.

“Excuse me, sir” says the traveller “I’m curious what the folks are like in the town up ahead?”

“Well…” the farmer replies, as he turns to face the stranger. “What were they like in the town you just came from?”

“Oh they were wonderful,” replies the traveller “generous and friendly. Why do you ask?”

“Well…” the farmer says “I suspect the folks in the town up ahead will be pretty much the same.”

It’s like that in life.

If you think the future is bright and you have what it takes to overcome hurdles that come your way—well, you’re probably right. And if you think it’s going to be an uphill battle where only the toughest survive—well, you’re probably right as well.

It’s the same with public speaking.

Every week I speak with wonderful people who want to become speakers – most with unique history and skills.In every case, what I’m looking for is outlook and resilience – hard to develop; essential to excel.

What it really takes

It’s taken many miles, taxi rides, and audiences before I felt I could dissect the public speaking profession.

And if I’ve learned anything after some 1,500 presentations – ranging from 10 people in the back of church to sold-out ballrooms, it’s these 3 lessons:

  1. the thrill of helping people never gets old,
  2. the better you get the more you get,
  3. you can’t do it on your own.

Sure, there’s lots of other lessons, like use breath mints and wear clean underwear, but those are my 3 top ones for aspiring public speakers.

Bear with me as a I dig in a bit deeper –

Helping people

The first time someone tells you your message rocked their world is life-changing. In an instant, all the nights sweating over your speech, acting out stories in front of the mirror (am I the only one?), the 3 hour flight with the child crying in 11C, smelly taxis and blasé hotel breakfasts are worth it.

And you want more. More chance to connect with audiences, more opportunities to experiment with a slightly different message and more chances to change lives.

When public speaking becomes about fees and selling books is when you should get out. Actually, you need to get out.

Not sure you have what it takes? Ask yourself these questions:

  1. does your message solve a problem faster and better than people can on their own?
  2. are people already paying for the types of solutions you offer? Competition means there’s a ready-made market waiting for your special gifts (no direct competition is NOT a good sign).

The better you get the more you get

The first time I saw a professional speaker on stage I thought they were overpaid. His performance seemed effortless, stories rehearsed and the lessons, while important, weren’t earth-shattering.

He got a standing ovation.

And I got humble pie.

Once I put my ego in check the real truth revealed itself…

There’s nothing accidental or easy about being good on stage. It takes a lot of work to build a speech worth charging money for and many long days and nights to shape it into something an audience can benefit from.

Not sure you’ve got what it takes? Ask yourself these 2 questions:

  1. are you prepared to throw away your material and start again?
  2. are you willing to take less-than-wonderful feedback and turn it into a better speech?

You can’t do it on your own

This might sound self-serving – after all, our third BOSS (Business Of Speaking School) is open for registration as I write this – regardless, any speaker worth their lavaliere will admit they had help. It could be a mentor, a coach, an agent or they enrolled in a course (like BOSS, nudge, nudge), but they had help.

I don’t care if it’s your first time in front of an audience, or you just finished a 21-city tour, everyone can benefit from an objective mind to spot lame content, half-hearted marketing and good-old procrastination. All the better if they speak from experience.

An inordinate chunk of the BOSS program content is about what not to do—how to save time, effort, and money on rabbit trails that I know from experience are, just that: rabbit trails.

Not sure if you need help? Ask yourself these 2 questions:

  1. are there areas of the public speaking business you have no desire to learn? (like marketing, social media, copywriting, speech writing, administration, etc.)
  2. are you prepared to invest some money to accelerate the growth of your business?

I’m writing this in an airport, about to fly to my next speaking engagement. And as I reflect on how many times I’ve been here: laptop open on my lap, a Chai tea beside me about to go meet my next audience, I realize this business and the challenge of delivering the most relevant, helpful, uplifting 60 minutes possible never gets old.

And on those rare days when I’ve had one too many flights, I remind myself to not make this about me and my petty needs—my job is to help people. And that never gets old.

Here are those 6 questions again:

  1. does your message solve a problem faster and better than people can on their own?
  2. are people already paying for the types of solutions you offer? Competition means there’s a ready-made market waiting for your special gifts (no competition is NOT a good sign).
  3. are you prepared to throw away your material and start again?
  4. can you use less-than-wonderful feedback as fuel to make your speech better?
  5. are there areas of the public speaking business you have no desire to learn? (like marketing, social media, copywriting, speech writing, administration, etc.)
  6. are you prepared to invest some money to accelerate the growth of your business?

End procrastination. Start taking action.

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