Why you need to experiment furiously and bravely dump

Updated to Business on January 22, 2023.

I was in a car the other day with a radiologist and a neurosurgeon talking about hypertension. 

This conversation is actually not as unusual as it might sound. I volunteer for a local society that does trail clearing in a popular hiking and mountain bike park and many of the volunteers happen to be recently retired doctors. 

Back in the car, one of the doctors happened to mention that recently his medical partner, who is in his early 60’s, had a mild stroke. As we wound our way further up the dirt road to our work site my education continued. 

I learned that strokes are the second biggest cause of mortality worldwide and the third most common cause of disability. The scary statistics get worse. As you age your chance of a stroke doubles every 10 years after 55

There’s a checklist of health conditions that make you more susceptible to a stroke, like obesity, high cholesterol, and diabetes. But the biggest culprit – six times out of ten – is hypertension or high blood pressure. In my books, that’s worth paying attention to.

What’s interesting is that stress, in itself, is not the direct cause of high blood pressure. It’s what we do when under stress that leads to nasty results. We eat too much, drink too much, and move too little. Basically, we deal with stress by making unhealthy choices.

For me, stress starts with worry.

Ngoc Son Temple, Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi, Vietnam

I’ve had a lot of worries

There is a world of problems you can worry about – take your pick. You can worry that Ukraine will be pummeled into a tiny province of rubble, or that we’ve passed the tipping point with global warming, or the tiny spot on your chin is cancer. 

Or not.

“I’ve had a lot of worries,” quipped Mark Twain “most of which never happened.” Our mind loves a good worry. Like a dog chewing a bone, we want to turn our worry around, looking from all angles, poking and prodding until it swells up into something bigger than it really is.

I used to worry incessantly before every keynote speech. I’d worry I’d miss my flight or wasn’t prepared enough, or I would be greeted by the “audience from hell.” Trust me, when you have 60 minutes to educate, entertain, inspire, motivate, and get laughs from an audience you’ve never met before, any sane person would invent a long list of worries.

It was at one of those events when a fellow speaker opened an exit door for my worries. He suggested that audiences don’t want you to fail – in fact, they want you to succeed. “They want to see you having fun—enjoying yourself. That way,” he explained, “they can enjoy the ride with you.”

When I accepted the long list of what I could never control – my flights, the audience, the speaker before me going overtime – I was free to focus on what I could control.

Enjoying the moment. 

What your life will have been

In her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön tells the story of delighting in the preciousness of every single moment.

A woman is running from lions. She runs and she runs, and the lions are getting closer. She comes to the edge of a cliff. She sees a vine there, so she climbs down and holds onto it. Then she looks down and sees that there are lions below her as well. At the same time, she notices a little mouse gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries emerging from a nearby clump of grass. She looks up, she looks down, and she looks a the mouse. Then she picks a strawberry, pops it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly.

Learning what to focus on, and what to ignore, seems to be the ultimate secret to living a healthy, stress-free life. “Whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment,” writes Oliver Burkeman in Four Thousand Weeks (a must-read for anyone over 50), “is simply what your life will have been.”

So, what are you focussing on?

What to focus on

You can learn a lot when you’re the dumbest one in a car full of doctors. I learned that strokes are a silent pandemic. And that hypertension is the leading cause of that pandemic. And I learned the leading cause of hypertension is stress. 

I was also reminded that stress is a choice.

We all have lions and tigers in our life. Maybe even a mouse or two gnawing away at something we value. Meanwhile, we have the moment.

Choosing what to focus on (and what not to) might just be the healthiest choice you can make.

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Photo of eggs by Nik on Unsplash
Photo of Ngoc Son Temple by author
Photo of tigers by author

I just wrote my final email to my 2017 BOSS students. And there’s a bit in there I thought you might like.

BOSS is an 8-week speaker training program I offer once a year. But it’s more than a bunch of videos – we have weekly calls, guest speakers, coaching and a networking group.

It’s a community.

And it’s always a bitter sweet moment when I wrap it up—part of me wants to be in that community every week.

As I put a bow on it this year, I was reflecting on what is the essential truth I’m trying to put across to the wonderful people who have trusted me with their time.

And there’s one message I want to share with you, dear reader. And here it is:

Nobody really cares much about your past—only how you show up today.

I know, you have your precious Twitter followers, LinkedIn profile and news feed in Facebook. And there’s your work, your education, achievements and damn good looks.

I get all that.

But it all pales in comparison to how you’re showing up TODAY. The reality is:

  You can be the world’s biggest jerk on Monday and, with a little bravery and honesty, repair fences on Tuesday.

  You can procrastinate all you want about a project or tough phone call and then, the very next day, get it all done before 10AM.

  You can avoid going for a run or to the gym for 3 months and then wake up tomorrow, head out the door, and suddenly be back on track.

– You could chain smoke, live on Cheezies, pound back 3 beer a night and tomorrow quit smoking cold-turkey and become a tea-toting vegan.

In some twisted way we make up a story about who we are, but it’s all B.S. We aren’t even the same physical person we once were (according to folks that study this stuff, every 7 years all of your cells have been replaced with new ones).

So, experiment furiously and bravely dump what isn’t working. It’s the only way you can grow.

The world will not be judging you on your past—only on how you show up today.

I can’t wait to see how you show up.