Maybe it’s time you got some JOMO

Updated to Life on January 21, 2021.

I was in a car the other day with a radiologist and a neurosurgeon talking about hypertension. 

This conversation is actually not as unusual as it might sound. I volunteer for a local society that does trail clearing in a popular hiking and mountain bike park and many of the volunteers happen to be recently retired doctors. 

Back in the car, one of the doctors happened to mention that recently his medical partner, who is in his early 60’s, had a mild stroke. As we wound our way further up the dirt road to our work site my education continued. 

I learned that strokes are the second biggest cause of mortality worldwide and the third most common cause of disability. The scary statistics get worse. As you age your chance of a stroke doubles every 10 years after 55

There’s a checklist of health conditions that make you more susceptible to a stroke, like obesity, high cholesterol, and diabetes. But the biggest culprit – six times out of ten – is hypertension or high blood pressure. In my books, that’s worth paying attention to.

What’s interesting is that stress, in itself, is not the direct cause of high blood pressure. It’s what we do when under stress that leads to nasty results. We eat too much, drink too much, and move too little. Basically, we deal with stress by making unhealthy choices.

For me, stress starts with worry.

Ngoc Son Temple, Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi, Vietnam

I’ve had a lot of worries

There is a world of problems you can worry about – take your pick. You can worry that Ukraine will be pummeled into a tiny province of rubble, or that we’ve passed the tipping point with global warming, or the tiny spot on your chin is cancer. 

Or not.

“I’ve had a lot of worries,” quipped Mark Twain “most of which never happened.” Our mind loves a good worry. Like a dog chewing a bone, we want to turn our worry around, looking from all angles, poking and prodding until it swells up into something bigger than it really is.

I used to worry incessantly before every keynote speech. I’d worry I’d miss my flight or wasn’t prepared enough, or I would be greeted by the “audience from hell.” Trust me, when you have 60 minutes to educate, entertain, inspire, motivate, and get laughs from an audience you’ve never met before, any sane person would invent a long list of worries.

It was at one of those events when a fellow speaker opened an exit door for my worries. He suggested that audiences don’t want you to fail – in fact, they want you to succeed. “They want to see you having fun—enjoying yourself. That way,” he explained, “they can enjoy the ride with you.”

When I accepted the long list of what I could never control – my flights, the audience, the speaker before me going overtime – I was free to focus on what I could control.

Enjoying the moment. 

What your life will have been

In her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön tells the story of delighting in the preciousness of every single moment.

A woman is running from lions. She runs and she runs, and the lions are getting closer. She comes to the edge of a cliff. She sees a vine there, so she climbs down and holds onto it. Then she looks down and sees that there are lions below her as well. At the same time, she notices a little mouse gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries emerging from a nearby clump of grass. She looks up, she looks down, and she looks a the mouse. Then she picks a strawberry, pops it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly.

Learning what to focus on, and what to ignore, seems to be the ultimate secret to living a healthy, stress-free life. “Whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment,” writes Oliver Burkeman in Four Thousand Weeks (a must-read for anyone over 50), “is simply what your life will have been.”

So, what are you focussing on?

What to focus on

You can learn a lot when you’re the dumbest one in a car full of doctors. I learned that strokes are a silent pandemic. And that hypertension is the leading cause of that pandemic. And I learned the leading cause of hypertension is stress. 

I was also reminded that stress is a choice.

We all have lions and tigers in our life. Maybe even a mouse or two gnawing away at something we value. Meanwhile, we have the moment.

Choosing what to focus on (and what not to) might just be the healthiest choice you can make.

Got this far? You might also like these posts:

Photo of eggs by Nik on Unsplash
Photo of Ngoc Son Temple by author
Photo of tigers by author

I want to do less…better.

It’s not that I want to opt-out, move to the country or build a log cabin. 

In fact, when I’m home, I like my creature comforts and good WIFI.

I just don’t like feeling busy. 

All the time. 

It shows up in the spaces…

You know, those minutes waiting for the dentist, standing in line at the bank, or when procrastinating before starting some job you’ve been putting off all week.

Those spaces.

It takes a conscious effort to leave those spaces open—to not fill them with swiping, clicking and scrolling.

Sometimes, it even feels scary…

what will I miss?

I mean, what if someone I hardly know goes on the cruise of a lifetime, or their second daughter graduates from college and I miss the Facebook update?

That would be horrible.

I’m kidding, of course. 

It would be bliss.

An experiment

I’m writing this in Cape town at the tail-end of a full month of adventure, climbing, rafting, hiking and on safari in Southern Africa with my two daughters.

I chose to be offline for most of the month. Often, I was offline because I didn’t have a choice (WIFI on Zanzibar is a new concept), mostly because I wanted to.

Here’s what I’ve learned: 

I didn’t miss anything.

Here’s what else I learned: I had a full month to enjoy life, traveling with family and being in the moment. I loved it.

There’s a name for this…

it’s called the JOMO – Joy Of Missing Out.

I recommend it.

JOMO in action

What would you do for a full day with no plans? Even a half-day. Even one hour?

Imagine being free of what Australian cartoonist Michael Leunig calls “The anxious clamoring and need. The restless hungry thing to feed.”

Would you immediately find something to do? Or could you sit, or write, or think, or meditate, or anything but get busy?

I wonder if you could.

I’m not down on being busy. In some ways, my freedom was earned from many years of being busy. At the same time, I suspect if I had learned how to be still and think, I would have everything I need and want but at less cost.

No points for busy

“No points for busy.” wrote serial blogger Seth Godin, “Points for prioritization. Points for efficiency and productivity. Points for doing what matters.”

I want to create. I like building wealth and legacy. I enjoy building scary goals and then pounding them to the ground.

What’s changed is that I’ve lost my appetite for busy, and my JOMO has increased.

Maybe I’m more conscious of the years going by, or I’m getting (a little) smarter. Either way, I want points for doing what matters.

Enjoyed my ramblings from Africa? Here are 3 more posts all about life, plans and getting smart about life. Enjoy!

Make your bed and 12 more great habits for the super busy
How to live like a millionaire with zero-based living.
Hyperbolic discounting and why your goals suck.